Lauren’s Story
“That’s when I realized that you can do all the research and self-development you want, but until you have a community around you to support you, you won’t make it very far.”
Sometime in early spring of 2020, I was sitting in a windowless, carpeted room in a slightly damp warehouse in Red Hook, Brooklyn, crying. While the dismal setting was enough to make anyone cry, this was different. This was absolute helplessness.
My left eye would not cease ticking; my boss was threatening to fire me; my team was miserable and being pushed to the brink; my husband thought I was crazy.
But I was working at a tech startup. So my mantra was: do what needs to be done. If that meant: being on call at 4 am, working 12 hour days in masks and gloves and bathing in sanitizer, pushing the team to accomplish the impossible - I did it. Most people were at home making sourdough starters and watching Tiger King, while I was fighting for the company’s survival.
Do what needs to be done. Spend the night at said damp warehouse and sleep on a cot to keep operations afloat. Use my only down time to admire the shiny, healthy hair on a rat as it galivants through the empty warehouse. Stay optimistic in the face of unbelievable odds. If I stopped running, I’d fall down.
Do what needs to be done. I loved it, though. That’s the weird part. I felt alive, important, motivated. When I would come to work on Saturday mornings, carrying dozens of gatorades and dark bags under my eyes, I felt like a leader. And I was a good one. My people loved me because I was both in the trenches with a (literal) wrench in hand but also bringing everyone together to problem solve. I gave people autonomy and praised their mastery. I communicated a powerful vision of how we were changing our city for the better.
If only I wasn’t simultaneously working in my sleep, I think it could have been sustainable. Sometimes I would become convinced that I had sent a critical email, because I had written it word-for-word, filled out the CCs and BCCs, and hit send. But in fact, I was just working in my sleep. I never rested.
Fast forward to 2021. I finally decided to quit my job and planned to take the summer off before starting a new opportunity. I was excited to relax, reconnect with my family, enjoy life. But…I couldn’t turn it off. Every day I would wake up with my heart and mind already racing. I would shoot out of bed, thinking of all the “things” I had to do (none of which were important or critical). No matter how much I told myself that nothing was urgent and there was no reason to be stressed, I couldn’t reign it in. My body and mind had become hardwired to crave chronic stress.
So I started learning everything about the autonomic nervous system. Pouring through the research coming out of neurobiology labs at Stanford and UCLA. Hours and hours of peer-reviewed articles, books, and podcasts. Eventually, painstakingly, through experimenting on myself, I learned how to break my all-encompassing stress and reset my physiology with small, daily habits like getting outside in the morning, learning how to be present and savor experiences that brought me joy, and continually reflecting on how to be more true to myself. It felt like I had become a human again.
But the moment I found myself in a new stressful environment, my old ways creeped back in - teeth grinding, work dreams, chest pains, irritation, and loads of guilt at neglecting the people important to me. It felt like I had slid back down a dark, slippery mountain.
So I set up what I called “Universe Calls” with my mom and my sister, because I realized I couldn’t do this alone. We would meet for an hour every two weeks to help each other reframe negative thought patterns, give each other the confidence to change the things that were driving us crazy, and to stay on track with building the lives we really wanted.
That’s when I realized that you can do all the research and self-development you want, but until you have a community around you to support you, you won’t make it very far.
Habit & Co is my mission to help others learn what I’ve come to understand about the crucial elements to vanquishing stress and anxiety. We all need the space and structure to:
Build deep connection with others who are also looking to change
Uncover what gives us energy and what drains us
Reframe the beliefs that are holding us back
Stay persistent with the daily habits that nourish us
Studies show us that the path to happiness is social connection. It’s only when we have the sacred space to work on ourselves, together with others looking to change, that we will truly be able to deal with this complicated, messy world we live in.
My amazing co-founder Maria and I are building that space, and along the way, challenging the paradigm of how we treat stress and anxiety. It’s big, it’s complex, it’s challenging - but frankly, I can’t imagine anything more important. For us and for others who are wondering if there is a better way. We hope you join us. Our next Deep starts soon, grab a spot by signing up here.
